I want to take you home

a film by joule seventeen

starring crackers barrel as vivienne

makeup by micaela cleary

I want to take you home

The truth is… I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
[Can I have a million dollars?]
I used to know in very vivid detail what I was doing.
But now… I don’t know.
[How much time is left?]

We are all trying to defy the stars our parents drew for us by living out the new ‘American Dream’
[One hundred-thousand light-years away]
but no one knew the white picket fence was actually a fucking border wall.

And look, I know what I said the other night.
[I never loved it here]
I know what YOU said the other night.
We don’t have to address it anymore. It’s fine…
[It’s fine!]

… But I still feel something inside of me that is bigger than everything I am saying
[I look at you and my mind goes blank]
or that I have said to you.
Every day I work to dull it and realign the energy into something different…
[Time is always running out]

Something that fits the world I am experiencing now…
[Can I have another drink?]

But it’s still there and I know it. We both know it.
[I swallow the future. Can you count to 21?]
I am a million different people every day.
[Look for me in the sky]

[We are in love!]

And I am so. nostalgic... just from looking at the sky.

[I saw u in a dream]

I recognize those teeth. That hair. Those eyes.

I have been stuck in the bottom of my mind,
and I have been forced to imagine living in future moments based on the past...
[I climbed a ladder to escape that place]

BECAUSE SOMEHOW everyone I meet is a phantom of everyone I knew before!
[I’m still afraid of ghosts]
They are the fucking prism of life I have lived up until this moment!
[I grew up in a field of rainbows]


[I’ve never been so cold]
But instead I wait and calculate my moments.
It’s shitty, honestly.
I don’t know who I’m protecting or what I’m saving.
[Sometimes I visit heaven]
There’s nothing TO protect or save.
[I’m a billionaire.]

I don’t give a shit about my pride - pride isn’t currency to me.
[I am a million different people every day]