A film by joule seventeen AND KENNETH MUNOZ

starring allison wick


Am I Peter Pan?

Can I do anything?

Am I really here?

I haven’t felt this unsure in ages… in exactly three years.
Time rewinds in my mind like a corkscrew,
and I try to remain as far from controversy as possible,
but it keeps finding me. The silliest things make my pulse accelerate,
and then the memories come,
and they are so intrusive.

I don’t feel like these emotions are mine and it is so lonely,
because you are the only one I share them with.
But we don’t talk anymore.

Every day it’s:
wake up, get dressed, Getting dressed can be the simplest thing carrying me forward,
and clothing is just a uniform to prove I am alive.

Because sometimes breathing is the biggest adventure of the day.

Existence: Validated.

Tell me,
would anyone know the difference between Honeycrisp…
McIntosh…Red Delicious…

I know I can't. An apple is an apple, right?

I don’t feel like I’m flying anymore,
even though when I was with you it wasn’t so much flying as it was falling.
But it’s hard to tell in mid-air whether you’re flying or falling…
until you hit the ground.

I swear one day
I will figure it out.

I’ll fly.
Watch me.

I know I have said it before but
all of this feels like a dream,
and sometimes, the dream feels real.

It makes my heart balloon in my chest,
but I always find something to pop it with as I swing from day to night,
and again from night to day.

I can do anything,
because all the world is made of faith, trust, and apple rust.