phase 2

 

h i g h l i f e   /   r e a l   l i f e,

close to success but never succeeding

the pain you internalize

LISTEN AND YOU WILL HEAR US

   

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am i you? are you me?                     

 

transpire

 

be where you are

ok?
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i am a reminder. 

spaced out. 

roundtable.

 

    and you will.

 

 

this is coercion / 

 

finite / 

terse

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get under

your skin

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I WANTED TO KNOW

YOU WERE PROUD

 

 

 

what kind of secret was i?
I GUESS I knew it.
i really knew it all along.

 

 

SUBSTITUTE.

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CATHEXIS

have you ever loved someone when no one was looking have you ever made yourself whole again with your eyes closed did you find what you were looking for i just can't look i hope you find this stupid and uncomfortable i dare you you will keep reading go ahead and read this out loud to your friends pretend it is a joke pretend you don't remember pretend you are fine pretend i deserve it pretend everything was my fault keep one hand on your heart and the other over your eye skew your vision throw off your perception and find love this is not what i had planned it's killing me i kept all of your plants alive as long as i could i made jokes about forgetting to water them but i always did i always did i always did i always did meanwhile i dreamed it was pretend and woke up next to myself lying to myself i won't water them today i won't water them today but the soil was always wet when the door shut behind me everyone knows this is about you it's always about you if i gave a shit i would align with you on the comet coattails you ride through outer space instead i will rocket past them the only propulsion being me being me being me being me

 
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am i okay?

 

does it scare you?

visualize

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Should i become the person you wanted me to make you

?

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i do this for me

 

b u i l d

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strange

"Blessed"

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I PRACTICED ANSWERING THE PHONE

sound sweet

don't freak out

polite

polite

polite

soft

gentle

beautiful

calm

mostly calm

aLONE

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shut up shut up shut up
spit at her
shut up
keep running

i ran past here before
chase me
remember? 
just like after the wedding
in front of the church.
and hey
don’t say a word unless it sounds good
actually
don’t say a word at all
touch it, feel it break
shut up shut up
shut up
is this mine? can i feel it? am i in my head?
does everything float around you too?
shut up shut up shut up
it’s nothing
it is nothing
it’s really nothing i swear
it doesn’t mean anything
relax
calm down
it’s nothing
shut up shut up shut up
i spit it out
does it sound better now?
how do i say it so you hear me?
am i even in here? am i really in here?
is this happening?
was i ever in here?
were you?
hold on. let go. blow it out.
is this enough yet?

i am a ghost

t h i n k  of me

i am still here every day

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i dont wanna die from this

run and hide from this. CAPSULE. 

 

drawn / 

disasteR / 

forever

 

 

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planning on failure

 

watch me now,

net worth

              here

go AHEAD AND FIND YOURSELF

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